Sunday 22 November 2015

You Are Special: What My Baba Taught Me One Durga Puja


A write-up of mine which got published in Women's web & also I wanted to share it with you all. 
Having your periods on a festival day is considered a horrible fate in many orthodox families. One young girl learns from her dad that it is okay to question rituals that don’t make sense.
Every daughter’s hero is her dad, and so is my baba to me. It is Durga Puja. The flowers are blooming everywhere, bringing the fragrance of the goddess into our lives with the sound of her anklets. The birds are singing agamani sangeet (songs of arrival). They are chirping as if saying, “She has arrived at your doorstep. Open your doors for her”.
These are, I guess, the feelings of every Bengali during this time. The puja starts from the day of Mahalaya withtarpan (offerings and prayers made to the ancestors) until Vijaya Dashami (Dussehra). The buzz of relatives arriving starts from the day before Mahalaya. This is the scene every year. I am writing this as the Durga Puja is at our doorstep and I am set to leave for home; an incident from my past comes to mind, and I feel as though I must share it with you. You could say that it is one of the most important incidents of my life, one that helped me to be what I am today.

It was the year 2005, while I was doing my graduation. The puja had started from the day of Mahalaya and since I was to appear for the boards the next year, I was to offer extra puja to bribe the Goddess help me pass one of the toughest exams!
Now, the puja had started at our home with all the usual rituals. I used to get up at 4 in the morning to pick Shiuli (Night-flowering jasmine/Parijat )flowers from our garden. This was the main task to be done by the children of the family leaving the other tougher jobs for our elders. I still enjoy picking up the flowers from my garden; it is my way of worshipping the ideal of Stree Shakti (Women Power).
As I grew up, my obsession with Durga Puja has even become stronger as if it is the only important thing in my life for which I wait for the whole year. Even now, reaching home a little late during puja brings tears to my eyes. Even today, for me new clothes aren’t as important as being at home during Puja.
That year it was to be more special so I made extra preparations for puja, it being the first year of my graduation. I had planned to take extra precautions to delay my periods – I guess this is the most important precaution during any rituals taking place in an orthodox Hindu family. But in all the excitement, I forgot to take my medications and had my periods on the early morning of maha-astami, the second day of Durga Puja.
It is said to be one of the important days of Durga Puja and you can imagine how I felt when I realized that I had periods on such an important day. Tears rolled down my eyes as if they had been waiting there all the time to fall. It was 3 in the morning. I did all that was to be done and went back to sleep. Next thing I knew, my baba woke me up at 4 to pick flowers for the puja. I picked and filled at least five medium sized baskets for the puja. Finishing the task, I went to the bathroom to take my bath and recalled what had happened earlier. I ran out and informed my mother of the whole thing. Being a woman with modern ideas, she simply said, “Leave it, what’s done is done”. The other ladies who overheard us however, started whispering making me feel as if I had committed a crime for which the punishment could be nothing less than capital punishment.
This made me feel afraid that it might bring some bad luck to my family. The puja had already begun and I ran to inform my baba, whom  I consider to be my best friend, about the whole incident. Running straight to him, I told him what had happened and insisted that he throw the flowers away. Some of the other ladies also insisted on it. But then my choto-ma (aunty) & baba said, “Let it be”.
The other ladies started exchanging looks as if something unworthy had happened. One of them piped up, “Please throw it or it shall be bad for the whole family”. Baba said, “Nothing is bad about it. Durga is a form of Shakti. She is the representation of womanhood. Doesn’t she pass through these special days? Do you take her away from the temple then?”

I was surprised and looked around to see that that others were struck dumb. Only choto-ma added a nod of assurance. But then someone from behind questioned, “Who shall be held responsible if anything worse happens to the family?”
Baba said, “Then you should not do the puja since you don’t have faith in yourself. No one is responsible for anyone else’sKarma. The flowers shall not be thrown away. If you don’t want to do puja with this flowers then you can pick flowers by yourself now or just leave for good.” Everyone kept quiet because as the sun rays fall on it, the shiuli loses its freshness. Hence there were no flowers one could get from the garden. Moreover, the flowers which I had picked had already been used for making garlands and offered by the pandit to the Goddess.
Baba turned towards me now. He embraced me and said, “You are the prasad (fruit) of my sadhana (meditation).You are special. Your offerings can never be thrown away. There is a reason behind everything but then all reasons aren’t right. You need to question society about it. If society keeps dumb, then go with your conscience. You might be alone but then you know you are right. It may take time but slowly others will follow. And if you don’t question the society then its heavy walls of rules will cripple you amidst it. Question and be independent in your thoughts and answer only when you are asked for. Don’t give excuses, give reasons. Then you will survive strong and sound. Now, go and wear your new saree; I am waiting to have a new look at my ma.”
I understood and hugged him, then ran back to get ready.
The flowers which I had picked up were offered in the puja and that year, no ill luck came to our family. Instead my brother passed his boards with around 80% marks. I got promoted to the second year with above 90% and there was other good news too from various family members.
Everything ended well, thus making me learn one important lesson is life, “Question when you aren’t satisfied and give reasons, not excuses.”

http://www.womensweb.in/2015/11/having-your-periods-on-a-festival-day/

Illustration of Durga via Shutterstock



durga-puja

Friday 6 November 2015

MY FRIEND

This blog is dedicated to my dearest friend Sandy Singh "Sandhya"
We have passed together almost 10 beautiful years..with sweet & sour memories. You have always there for me. By being on my side whenever needed. Your down to earth personality is the best thing within you & o of-course me too ....
These are some lines which I had long written in one of the books gifted to you by me, "SCIENCE & RELIGION" but which is still with me..hahaback in 03/04/2010...down the memory lane..You have changed a lot now & changed for good...God Bless you dear Stay blessed always
   
Let Yourself Speak
Let Everyone Value your Truth
My dear friend-
You are an expensive jewel in the jewelry box
But somewhere your long hideousness have made you
Lost your glow
Let the knot be untied
& the box opened
Let the sun-rays fall upon you
& let yourself yourself shine
So that your inner power
Can never be denied by the world.

Monday 2 November 2015

ME



I am not here to demonstrate.
Neither am I here just like that.
I am here because I am meant to be here-
Never take ME for guaranteed
For I meant to be where I want to be just right to be
Every moment is the perfect & right time for ME to start off
I check myself before I speak
Not because I am afraid but because I respect your position too
And you must know that I owe that respect from you too,
My silence is my secret weapon
For you lose your energy every time you scream-
& when I snap back after a long silence
Your energy is nowhere to fight back
So preserve it in a positive way
& use it when TIME means to say-
Your “NO” shouldn't be the act of negligence from others-
But acceptance of your leadership which matters
Love, & Respect oneself is what that is needed
Because once you are able to do that-
The rest is defeated
Only if you respect yourself you shall be able to deal
With situations which worry you the most & matters that are forced
Then the mirror in front of you shan’t be a haunt
It’s your inner soul’s image which you can trust the most
Damn believe it It’s the truth-
You are beautiful, you are lovely & you are good-

Because you are “ME” & you are Cool.