8th of December 2015. It is her
wedding day. Sandy was helping Divyakshi to
wear her white and golden embroidered “pat-mekhela-chador”.
She looked serine as the first ray of sun-light after her bath but, her eyes
were restless. They were searching for someone. I asked her, “Divyakshi what’s the matter? Is something
bothering you, dear?” Sayar’s Divya just
looked towards us and shook her head in dis-agreement. But her mirror (the eyes)
witnessed her lie.
With
trembling fingers Divyakshi placed “sindoor” the symbol of her
transformation from lady to womanhood over her forehead. I left the room &
saw the dark handsome guy with an average height, waiting eagerly. He was
sitting all alone and so I joined him.
“I
cannot wait. Can you manage Joy?” he said. Placing my right hand over his
shoulder I said smiling, “Will give it a try”.
“It’s
getting difficult for me. Will you please?” saying so he took my hands within
his and warmly pressed them. His head still bowed down. I stood up and left the
room in silence.
We
had been friends from the first days of our graduation. It has almost been 10
years. We all have gone separate ways, but still today when we meet it seems
nothing has changed in between us. It feels like a complete time-lapse.
Sayar had made a
complete arrangement of proposing
Divyakshi. Being the first relationship of our batch the complete batch was
super excited. Finally, when they were left in the midst of the island “Umananda”, Sayar kneeled on his knee
and proposed Divyakshi in a full
filmy manner with his famous sayari
rehearsed by him thousands of times before us, “ Mera dil ek mandir hai; sTum uski murat ho; Khuda kassam tum bohot
khubsoorat ho- My heart is a temple, You are the idol within ,By God’s grace
you are the most beautiful.”
A
roller coaster of excitement pounded in every heart of the college for Divyakshi took almost a month to reply to
Sayar’s proposal. Meanwhile, the rumor was spread ‘Sayar” leaving the college for unknown
reasons. This news didn’t take long to reach Divyakshi’s ears. She decided to reply the proposal.
Our
batch’s fresher’s meet day. After the team’s dance performance on “A.R. Rahman’s Vande Mataram” Divyakshi & ‘Sayar’ were left alone in the green room. No one knew what was
going on within the room. Finally, after ten minutes ‘Sayar’ came out with a gloomy face.
“Hey
did she accept your proposal?” we asked him eagerly.
He
remained silent and just surpassed us without uttering a single gesture. Taken
as a dis-approval of the proposal disheartened we left for our hostels.
We
felt defeated as the “jugad” done for
Sayar & Divyakshi in the past 1
and ½ months done by us had gone in vein.
Within
the next few days puja vacations were to start. Among all the excitement of leaving
for home after a long time somewhere the proposal story of Divyakshi and ‘Sayar’ was
forgotten.
Breaking
news from our college campus after puja holidays, “Sayar & Divyakshi hitched up”. It was party all around. “Cutest Couple” was the name adored to
them. All around the campus the only gossip was about this couple. They were teased by seniors adored by
juniors and loved by batch mates.
A
year passed by. It was Divyakshi’s birthday.
We the “Gang of Eight Evilest” hanged
together at the restura “La Fista”.
Sayar was to throw the party for his better half. The food was ordered.
This
long pause of food’s arrival is the most tempting thing always. So, in order to
kill this unappeasable time the oddest game of all, “Truth & Dare” was played by us. A beer can was used to nominate the turns. Some chose dare &
some the truth. At one moment of the game we got so involved that we started choosing
only truth.
It
was my turn now. The question was for Divyakshi,
“How do you look your relationship with Sayar?
Is it love or just mere attraction?” The
only reason behind asking the question was Sayar.
He was a lucky go happy guy who shared
every tit-bit with us and was very serious about his relationship with Divya aka Divyakshi .Whereas Divyakshi
shared only room with us not her emotions.
Divyakshi
was darn upset with my question. Some of my friends were with me & some
against me. By the time we returned to our room each one of my roomies were dead
against me except Sandy who thought that although my question was brutal yet it
was true.
This
incident was buried somewhere in the deserts of the past.
Sandy
and I returned completing our Post-grads. We decided to have a get together of
the “Gang of Eight Evilest” at our
famous “adda place” “La Fista”.We
reunited again. Everyone was happy & excited. Divyakshi & Sayar
came too. We all were meeting after almost five long years. We had grown more
matured but the madness prevailed. We talked laughed and quarreled. Time lapsed
back
.
As
evening passed, Sayar was requested
to spell one of his sayaris. Although at first he didn’t want to but then he
spoke, “App meri zindagi me thi to meri
bagon me ful hi ful the, Par jab se aap ruth gaye mano bahar hi humse ruth
gaaye, Gairo ne to chor hi diya tha; Aapne v saath chor gaaye…Kante to zindegi
me kam nahi thee Ki aab Rab v hamare duwayon se ruth gaaye, Janemaan jabse aap
hamse chuth gaaye- When you were in my life there were beautiful flowers in my
garden, But from the day you got angry over me even the flowers are angry over
me. The unknown people had left me long ago and even my near & dear ones
had left me. There were no fewer thrones in my life that even The Almighty has
stopped hearing my prayers, my beloved from the day I had lost you”.
It
was then we realized “Sayar &
Divyakshi had a break-up”. The situation turned tensed and sensitive.
Suddenly,
Sayar got up to leave.
Divyakshi
got up too & holding Sayar’s
hand said, “Wait, have loads to talk about”.
Sayar hesitated,” No,
I am getting late, must leave”.
Divyakshi
replied smiling, “This must have been my line”.
Through
the severe pain of emotions a smile escaped from Sayar’s lips.
He
didn’t turn back and said, “Some other time dear, not today this isn’t the
right time and situation. You look beautiful wearing my favorite color blue
& my life is still in Blues”.
Sayar
left and Divyakshi stood watching him leave. Tears escaped her big beautiful
eyes as if they had been waiting to fall.
Sandy
helped her to take a sit & I forwarded a glass of water which she finished
almost in between the tears & gasp of deep breathes. After a long pause we
started talking again.
Her
eyes now turned to the best mirror to show how deeply scared she was as if
something had ripped off from her life.
She
spoke, “I never wanted to leave him .He was the one who had taught me what love
was. Yes, Jazz you were right at first it was just a time pass sort of thing
but then as time passed by I just couldn’t think my life without him”.
She
heaved a deep breath and continued, “But then everyone has got a breaking
point. He tried the best to keep our relationship alive. It was I who back
stepped. Yes, yes I who stepped back”.Divyakshi was fueling with emotion. It
seemed to me she was angry with herself. But we kept quiet and.
“I
was selfish. Yes, I am selfish because I cannot dare to go against my family.
My family who too means a lot to me even though it’s not perfect likes others.
Yes, I am selfish because still today I miss him in every moment of my life.
Yes, even today I want to feel the same with the partner whom I had chosen .Yes
I am not afraid to say that I shall miss him all through-out my life.” Her
anguish gushed out.
She
cried aloud. She wept hard as if she wanted to repent for everything. Without
thinking of the crowd she shred herself free from the shackles of gustiness. We
watched her silently.
For
the first time in these years of our friendship she had broken down. Tears
rolled from her eyes and she re-spoke, “But then I had to choose between the
two- my family & my love.”
She
quivered with emotions, “I, I, I am not so bold to choose love. It, it, it was
still in starting phase. God knows if I had taken the right decision”.
“Throughout
my life I have seen my mom & dad fight like animals who had also done love
marriage. My childhood has gone through nightmares. I, I, I used to sleep with
cotton plugged in my ears so that I cannot hear them quarrel.” She stammered.
“If love marriage means to fight everyday like
my mom & dad then I don’t want that love. If love means insecurity everyday
then I don’t want love. I face the brutality of love marriage everyday & I
just don’t want that to re-happen in my life. I need security. Yes, if money is
the security then I need that security.” She choked.
I
passed a glass of water to her. With shivering hands Divyakshi somehow took a sip from the glass and respoke, “But, but
I cannot leave without Sayar. Yes,
Yes I am selfish damn selfish. Hope someday you all forgive me for what I have
done with you dear friend Sayar. I
pray he gets the best girl in the world who shall heal all scars I had given to
him and he forgets me for good for always.”
Speaking her last words she left the restra hastily without waiting for us. ”. It was then we understood the depression which our friends had passed
through.
Photo Courtesy: Edvard Munch Gallery
Our
re-union had taken place almost two years back and today is 8th of
December 2015. Today is Divyakshi’s marriage.
Sandy & I have arrived with Sayar to witness the beautiful event. She is
dressed ready to be someone’s bride but not Sayar’s. As promised to Sayar by me
I brought Divyakshi.
Without
saying a word Sayar embraced Divyakshi tight, kissed her softly on
her forehead & whispered in her ears, “You look gorgeous, really gorgeous.
Have a beautiful life ahead. Shall miss you, always and forever.”
Divyakshi
hugged him back and said, “Don’t worry we shall meet again”.
Sayar
didn’t answer but whispered, “Come with me. There is still time.”
Divyakshi
hugged him more tightly and sighed; “Not now it isn’t possible.”
Somewhere
within my heart I wished, “Go girl go, just disappear with him.”
Sayar
heaved hard. Leaving Sayar’s embrace and adjusting her bindi with a fake smile Divyakshi said, “Do come to my new home”.
We
started to leave & Sayar turned back to have a last look of his Divya. Sandy & I left them alone.
When
he finally arrived to join us he said, “The last look of her is damn driving me
crazy mann. Her silence has always killed me. I could never get through the
tough block of ice behind which she always hid her emotions. Hope she took the
right decision.”
We
trio, I Sandy & Sayar strove down to a long drive and after a long pause
Sayar spoke, “ It’s not love anymore. No, no, no, I don’t want her in my life
anymore but still I cannot see her with someone else.”
“You
know she accepted the proposal of this guy with whom she is getting married the
very next day we both broke our relationship. If she didn’t love me then why
did she play with me for four long years?” This time too I and Sandy were the
listeners.
Sayar swallowed a
lump of emotions and re-spoke, “But then can one be into a relationship for
four long years without being in love. Is it possible to carry forward an act
for such long? Yes, I agree I made mistakes but then I, I tried hard to maintain
the relationship. I was ready for sacrificing everything but then why did she
step back. I do understand her limitations and her duty towards her family but
how will she live in the drama she has got entangled into? God save her”, he
prayed.
After a moment he smiled and said, “For he has
saved me from her”. Sayar laughed hard but we knew it was just to cover his
pain.
Within
my mind some lines of Rabindranath Tagore started murmuring, “ Shokhi vabona kahare bole, Shokhi jatona
kahare bole, tomra je bolo diboso rojoni valobasa valobasa, Sokhi valobasha
kare koi , se ki keboli jatona moi,Se ki keboli chokher jol, Se ki keboli
dukher aash, Loke tobe kore ki sukheri tore aamono dukhero aash-Oh my dear
friend what is tension? Dear friend what is pain, you all sing all day &
night about love and love, Oh my dear friend what is love. Is it so painful? Is
it only tearful eyes? Is it only pain? Then why do people being in so much
comfort want to get the taste of that pain”
And
we trio drove along in silence for long. We stood by the road side of the
national highway to Khanapara. It was around 12:30 a.m. Sayar brought three
cups of tea for us and we tossed, “For a happy married life to Divyakshi”. Sandy added, “And Sayar get the girl with most beautiful
heart as his life partner”.
Sayar
whispered with damn gravity, “Pyala adha
bhara hai ya adha khali, Pyala adha bhara hai ya adha khali, Yeh to dekhne wale
ke upar me hai. Bus itna hi baan paya yaroo aage ki line banne waali hai”.
Saying so he laughed & we both joined the group trying to help him soothe
his pain a bit.
How
much I wished that day the “Cutest
Couple” gets hooked back together. Who was responsible for this Divyakshi or Sayar? Who had betrayed the emotions of the other? Were they not
bold enough to break-off the social barrier, the communalism or was it mere
luck oriented? Why everything wasn’t
picture perfect just like a movie? Why was I so helpless for not being able to
support both of them soothing their pains? Why? Who was to be blamed? Why even
being detached each wanted the good of the other? What is the name of this
relation?
Sayar
as if had listened the conversation of me with my soul whispered in my ears,
“It’s Undefined, dear. I can never
hate her neither can she ever forget me”.
Sayar continued, “I
have realized that nothing can be picture perfect. Because, hopefully the
greatest director of our lives has thought what should be the perfect in ones
life’s cinema & still thennn”. We hummed together, “We have long long way to go before we say goodbye”.
