Happy Birthday, My Son

The emotional bond a mother shares with her child is indescribable in words. This poem is a portray of the emotions the mother passes through every time remembering her child who is no more.

Dear Beloved Son;
Today is your birthday,
But the only feeling I have is hollowness within me.
For you hid somewhere and is nowhere to find;
I want to hold you tight, hug you and say, “Ma , is always there by your side”,
But then you are nowhere to find.

Where should I go to find you, dear?

I feel the pain in my womb every time I miss you;
My body aches, my broken bones cry aloud,
I pass through labor each time your memories within me shaken.
Yes, I remember the day of your birth still;
I had bore you in my womb for nine months,
My body gave up with the tiresome labor and I cried a lot.

Then, the moment the nurses placed you in my arms-

I saw you were the amazing art;
“My blood, my flesh and my soul”,
You were my most beautiful part.
A proudest moment of my life ever;
When I transformed from a lady to your eternal better half,
Yes, I became your mother.

You slowly grew from a single cell to a whole body-

Whose small hand could hardly cover my figures and be steady;
I watched you grow step by step and be ready.
Your talks, your mischief, your laughter, your ego,
I saw you fall and rise;
I stood there beside you but always wanted to hide,
You mumbled, you spoke.

I cherished every moment of yours-

The moment I hugged you, you filled my heart with unknown emotions;
My heart melted making way for tears in my eyes,
Deep within, you understood me and I understood you, Dear.
Societal misunderstandings were there which strained our relationships;
But deep within we both knew we had inseparable emotions,
“My blood, my flesh and my soul”.

You understood my pain then-
You understand me now;
But, can you hear me loud?
Ma wants to Please touch you again.
Feel you, hug you thousand times and kiss you hard;
Give you all my blessings,
And say, “Ma will always be by your side”.

But, I know you will never come-

I know you are back there within mine;
“My blood, my flesh and my soul”,
And, you are just fine.
The day you lay on the dying bed;
I saw myself pass through labor again,
I felt the pain again.

You clutched my figure tight this time-
You had grown up to be a young man of twenty nine;
I saw your sleepy eyes and your tiredness from life,
But, still selfishly I secretly wished you stay by my side.
Yes, my emotions were making me weak;
I didn’t want you to see me crying,
Because I knew you understood you were dying.

Your pains were more than me-
I kissed you hard;
I hugged you tight,
And my soul ripped apart.
I prayed, “Give me back my child again”;
Somewhere within a sound came, “I relive within you mother”
And not a single word I could utter.

That moment I knew you were gone back-

To the place from where you were born;
I touched your lifeless body and I touched my womb,
I felt that you are safe, in peace and back home.
Yet, I want you my child in my life, everyday;
I feel your presence within me when I cry,
But now my tears are all dry.

The moment you were born I relived a life-

And now that you are gone;
Still, I wish you Happy Birthday,
“My Blood, My Flesh, My Soul, My child”.

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Crawling back to Womb

Busy, Monday morning. Nothing exciting to happen in my life. A strict routine follow up to consume myself all in work. Morning 8’ to evening 8’ engulfed with my laboratory work. This was my daily life within this small blue & white painted two BHK flat where except my colleague Venu and the couple of black bean bags any one barely arrived.  Yes, of course sometimes Mr & Mrs Roy my neighbors came to bring a change to this daily routine.

Mr Roy was from army background. But besides that he was my fatherly figure too whom I missed so much. A warm smile from Mr Roy or kind words from Mrs Roy just soothed my scary heart which was bruised daily from the effects of every patient counseled by me.

Although I had very lovely childhood my relationship with my younger brother during adolescence had got complicated. He seemed to be arrogant against my every word and act. This imbalance seems to increase day by day which took up to a clash for love of parents as we reached youth. This intruded me to leave home for good thus bearing the deep scars of leaving my parents whom I loved so much.

Here, at Kolkata after 2 years I had everything including a deep hollowness, which survived within me. I knew everything couldn’t be perfect in life all the time but then every time the question that buzzed in my mind during my loneliness was, “What went wrong?”  And probably to get to the root of this I chose psychology as my specialization after completion of my masters. Still, I stay aloof and just like a maze of threads the relation between my brother and me seemed to get more muddled, the more I tried to mend it. This has turned out to be my daily morning sickness, which caught itself high when I tried to crawl back to sleep again.

Sharp 7’ A.M there was two consecutive knocks on my cabin. I knew who it was. Being an ex-army man time meant the most expensive thing to Mr Roy. Without waiting for the second slot of knocks I rushed to open the door as if I had been eagerly waiting for this. A 6 feet 4’’ person with tanned skin smiled in front of me. He greeted, “Good Morning Snigdha. I am back”.

I responded, “Good Morning Mr Roy. How are you this morning?”

Mr Roy, “This morning seems to be very good. See I have got red poppies in my garden. They are smiling at me saying my son shall arrive soon”.

My face turned pale I understood. Just behind his back Mrs Roy stood apace with tears in her eyes which protruded the pain of her womb. I revived. Raising my left hand I gestured to console Mrs Roy which I knew was of no use.  Greeting back Mr Roy I said, “Please come in.”

Although quite surprised to see such a strong person act in such a way I tried to act normal keeping aside my doubts & concerns.

Mr Roy said, “Hey no I came to invite you to my home to have breakfast with us.”

I saw him with astonishment and said, “Thank you for your invitation but breakfast some other time. But please join me for tea. I shall be happy. You too Mrs. Roy. Although Mrs Roy has to make the special tea with extra cream for all three”. I just tried to lighten the situation.

Mr. Roy seemed adamant & said, “Yes, of course. But I  have come to invite you because today is my son’s birthday. He rang me up and said he shall be arriving today evening to take us with him.”

I replied, “Ohh, really that’s great news. This calls for a treat then. Come on lets have breakfast in my place then. A departing treat from my side since you both shall be leaving. ”.

Mr Roy replied, “Come on Snigdha please”.

I looked at his face and just couldn’t ignore his child-like smile and replied with a smile, “Yes”.

In the back of mind I understood that something wasn’t right because neither Mr. Roy had a garden nor it was the time for poppies to grow in summer. I closed the door at the back of me & followed Mr Roy to his flat where Mrs Roy waited eagerly.

But in the half way Mr. Roy mumbled, “No let’s go to your place. It’s better. Soumi (Mrs. Roy) please get some tea”.

Mrs Roy greeted, “Good morning Shree”.

The bells rang in my ear because except Snigdha nowadays I wasn’t used to hear my pet name very often. It only happened when my mother rang me to ask, “Shree when you are coming back?”

I said, “Very good morning Mrs. Roy. What’s Roy special in today’s breakfast? Bring it over to my place. ”

Trying to conceal her pain & tears she replied, “Ya, of course. What shall you like to have tea or coffee?”

I replied, “Ahh strong tea for sure with extra cream in it buttttt Mr Roy has invited me to have breakfast”. Turning towards Mr Roy I asked him with a mischievous smile, “Isn’t it Mr Roy?”

Mr Roy replied unmindfully, “Mmmm. Did I? Might be”.

I clinched my eye-brows together possibly because now I understood something was definetly wrong. I replied, “Ohh sorry Mrs Roy I was just kidding. Mr Roy come over.  Mrs. Roy can you arrange some tea please”.

Mrs Roy said, “Ya, I will bring tea for us”.

I turned back to enter my flat & Mr Roy followed me just like a disciplined kid.

I said to Mr Roy, “Please have a seat”.

I guess he understood my words intensity and sat down beside me on a bean bag just like a little boy who although doesn’t want to sit to study but have to because of the dearth from his mother. I reposed and spoke, “Mr. Roy what’s going on in your mind? What is bothering you so much?”

Mr Roy as if unsatisfied with my verses said, “No, nothing”.

I touched his hands warmly and said, “Please you need to talk”.

In my sub-conscious mind I was surprised by my own act. I guess this happened because Mr. Roy was very close to my heart. He resembled my father somewhere whom I missed every moment. But I noticed that he was getting quite uncomfortable and irritated. Probably because, he was more used to my social soberness than my childish emotions.  So I left his hand & said quite coldly, “O.K”.

Mr Roy raised his head & what I saw melted me. He was weeping just like a small child weeps soundlessly when being scolded by a beloved.  This tensed me. I understood that Mr Roy was going through mental trauma something which he isn’t able to speak to. I stepped down from my seat and sat on my knees next to Mr. Roy. I noticed that even my voice was quivering with emotions.  Clearing my voice I assured him, “Please speak”.

He questioned abruptly, “Am I mad?”

I was stunned, “Who said that to you?”

Mr. Roy answered, “My son”.

I literally gaped and paused for a moment, “why?’

Mr. Roy continued, “I couldn’t recall where the family album was kept. I asked him if he knew or not. Probably I had asked him more than two times.  He got frustrated. He yelled at me & said, “Baba you have gone mad. Why do you need that crap now?” You see Snigdha”.

He paused. I could clearly see the tears re-appearing in his eyes which he tried hard to suppress. Biting his lips together he continued, “Family album…” he gasped, “my no, no, our family album. Is it of no importance to him? Or now his own family is more important to him than our family. Don’t we belong to his family? Where did we go wrong?”

I kept quite not because I knew he was speaking the truth but even because his pain was somewhere linked to mine. I stared hard towards him but still couldn’t speak.

Mr. Roy said, “Can the sedatives relief me from this emotional pain, where my only son stays in the same apartment but barely comes to meet us. I wait for him every day but at the end of day just a call. Are we meant nothing? We have every luxury in life yet stay in a bed full of emotional thrones.”

I found myself shaking my right leg vigorously. This happens mostly when I get tensed. I stood up & started strolling around but knew Mr. Roy’s eyes were following me to & fro eagerly to get an assurance, an answer. Of course I didn’t have any & was wishing the arrival of Mrs. Roy with tea”. He asked again clearing his, “Probably I am bothering too much. I must be leaving”. Saying so he got up at once and started to leave.

I observed him carefully as he walked towards the door. My mind responded, “Time is running out. Don’t let him move back into darkness”. But then I suppressed the urge because I knew even I couldn’t help him since he was the only one who could help himself. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. “Ten, nine, eight, seven….one.” The next moment he stood turned towards me smiled and came back to take over the seat again. My profession demanded me to stay and listen but right at this moment I was myself crippled with emotions.

This scene from my buried memories of 5 years re-occurred in front of me when I opened the email dropped in my inbox from a quite irrelevant address. The email read, “He died peacefully dear. Yours Mrs. Roy” My heart sank. Probably now I realized how much Mr Roy was important to me. His last words from his last meeting banged within my head, “Snigdha, Probably I think I am crawling back to womb”.

As if a dismayed small child I asked, “Why do you say that?”

Mr. Roy had replied, “When I was small I used to think the elders to be very dominating and wanted to grow fast. This intention became fruitful when I grew up and was able to dominate all. I guess during that period I almost forgot that what was coming in front of me. But now I know that the reward has come back in the form of my son’s verses my Karma”.

I knew, he was speaking the truth. But still, I stopped him from being so pessimistic & said, “That is not the complete truth. You are also a kind person”.

Mr. Roy looked towards me in astonishment saying, “Am I? I don’t think so. I am arrogant and because of this strict nature I guess my son is not with me”.

I chose to be the silent listener. Mr. Roy continued, “Spiritual moral aspects me to believe that we all spiritually need to be alone but then why the soul itself endives to think about family, and intends us to be in group. I am afraid to be alone”.

Saying so he broke down again whereas I stood still like a statue. The begotten life of mine was hatched with emotional pains but here stood in front of me the side-effect of our decisions coming from elders. He sobbed and I thought of my mother sobbing when I left our home because of the in fugitive moral clash with my brother. I remembered how she said, “Snigdha this is your home too. Please don’t go.” My dad just said, “I have never asked you to go. This is as much your home as his. You mean same to me. But you are an adult now & know what needs to be done”. I didn’t listen to them & left just because my ego was hurt. Now I know how they felt.  How badly I wanted to go back to them.

I heard Mr. Roy’s voice again, “As days are passing by I am feeling I am crawling back again”.

Still wrapped in my thoughts I tried to re-concentrate through his words, “What? Crawling back. Crawling back, where?”

He smiled amidst tears, “back to womb dear. Only I guess if I could re live the time again with my family whom I adamantly had hurt in one way or another to prove myself correct”.

His words pinned my ego down. I understood my family was so important to me whom I betrayed just because of my false possessiveness.  He was indeed teaching me a lesson through his life which I needed the most.

His words floated again, “When we are born we have no teeth, less hair, wrinkled skin and as we grow we beautify with youth but then the old age reverses everything balancing us to get ready for the ultimate. We get wrinkled skin, loose hair and teeth and even start behaving childish. Hopefully, now you know why I said crawling back to womb”.

I dared not to see towards him because I didn’t want to show my tears of guilt. Then he said again, “Go back Snigdha, Go back. Family might make you spiritually feeble but it’s the only light that helps you burn your energy throughout. Or else one day you shall be standing at my place and saying someone about “Crawling back to womb” which you would want badly but you can’t.”

Still totally engulfed in my thoughts I heard a voice, “Snigdha come tea is ready. Bring your baba’s (father’s) newspaper. Risi (my brother) is waiting for you.” I re-conceived my ma’s voice & closed my eyes.

Tears fell from my eyes as condolence for Mrs. Roy and gratitude towards him who helped me to be back to the place where I belong.  I repeated his words in silence, “Crawling back to Womb”.

https://www.launchora.com/story/crawling-back-to-womb

The Wait

 

I am waiting for you,

It has been years you left;

Yes, years you left.

And the irony is-

Since then we have never met.

You left me amidst midnight,

You left me crouched alone in bed;

Half-awake I waited for you,

Half-awake I wait for you still;

But, Alas!!!!

Till today you aren’t back.

Yes, you didn’t meet me again,

Neither any news came from your side;

Why then every knock on my door still today;

Makes me shiver and think “It might be You again”?

No, please fear not I ain’t angry with though,

For whatever others may say-

Deep within my heart I believe “I wasn’t your bait that night”.

Yes, I believe that my stars shall brighten one day,

Yes, indeed one day you shall come back to me;

Hold me tight within your arms,

Kiss me on my lips-

And say,” Darling you are mine only mine”.

J.Talukdar

06/06/2106

UNDEFINED RELATION

 8^th of December 2015. It is her wedding day. Sandy was helping Divyakshi to wear her white and golden embroidered “pat-mekhela-chador”. She looked serine as the first ray of sun-light after her bath but, her eyes were restless. They were searching for someone. I asked her, “Divyakshi what’s the matter? Is something bothering you, dear?” Sayar’s Divya just looked towards us and shook her head in dis-agreement. But her mirror (the eyes) witnessed her lie. 

With trembling fingers Divyakshi placed “sindoor” the symbol of her transformation from lady to womanhood over her forehead. I left the room & saw the dark handsome guy with an average height, waiting eagerly. He was sitting all alone and so I joined him.

“I cannot wait. Can you manage Joy?” he said. Placing my right hand over his shoulder I said smiling, “Will give it a try”.

“It’s getting difficult for me. Will you please?” saying so he took my hands within his and warmly pressed them. His head still bowed down. I stood up and left the room in silence.

We had been friends from the first days of our graduation. It has almost been 10 years. We all have gone separate ways, but still today when we meet it seems nothing has changed in between us. It feels like a complete time-lapse. 

Sayar had made a complete arrangement of proposing Divyakshi. Being the first relationship of our batch the complete batch was super excited. Finally, when they were left in the midst of the island “Umananda”, Sayar kneeled on his knee and proposed Divyakshi in a full filmy manner with his famous sayari rehearsed by him thousands of times before us, “ Mera dil ek mandir hai; sTum uski murat ho; Khuda kassam tum bohot khubsoorat ho- My heart is a temple, You are the idol within ,By God’s grace you are the most beautiful.” 

A roller coaster of excitement pounded in every heart of the college for Divyakshi took almost a month to reply to Sayar’s proposal.  Meanwhile, the rumor was spread ‘Sayar” leaving the college for unknown reasons. This news didn’t take long to reach Divyakshi’s ears. She decided to reply the proposal.

Our batch’s fresher’s meet day. After the team’s dance performance on “A.R. Rahman’s Vande Mataram” Divyakshi & ‘Sayar’ were left alone in the green room. No one knew what was going on within the room. Finally, after ten minutes ‘Sayar’ came out with a gloomy face. 

“Hey did she accept your proposal?” we asked him eagerly.

He remained silent and just surpassed us without uttering a single gesture. Taken as a dis-approval of the proposal disheartened we left for our hostels. 

We felt defeated as the “jugad” done for Sayar & Divyakshi in the past 1 and ½ months done by us had gone in vein. 

Within the next few days puja vacations were to start. Among all the excitement of leaving for home after a long time somewhere the proposal story of Divyakshi and ‘Sayar’ was forgotten. 

Breaking news from our college campus after puja holidays, “Sayar & Divyakshi hitched up”. It was party all around. “Cutest Couple” was the name adored to them. All around the campus the only gossip was about this couple. They were teased by seniors adored by juniors and loved by batch mates. 

A year passed by. It was Divyakshi’s birthday. We the “Gang of Eight Evilest” hanged together at the restura “La Fista”. Sayar was to throw the party for his better half. The food was ordered. 

This long pause of food’s arrival is the most tempting thing always. So, in order to kill this unappeasable time the oddest game of all, “Truth & Dare” was played by us. A beer can was used to nominate the turns. Some chose dare & some the truth. At one moment of the game we got so involved that we started choosing only truth. 

It was my turn now. The question was for Divyakshi, “How do you look your relationship with Sayar? Is it love or just mere attraction?”  The only reason behind asking the question was Sayar. He was a lucky go happy guy who shared every tit-bit with us and was very serious about his relationship with Divya aka Divyakshi .Whereas Divyakshi shared only room with us not her emotions.

Divyakshi was darn upset with my question. Some of my friends were with me & some against me. By the time we returned to our room each one of my roomies were dead against me except Sandy who thought that although my question was brutal yet it was true.   

This incident was buried somewhere in the deserts of the past.

Sandy and I returned completing our Post-grads. We decided to have a get together of the “Gang of Eight Evilest” at our famous “adda place” “La Fista”.We reunited again. Everyone was happy & excited. Divyakshi & Sayar came too. We all were meeting after almost five long years. We had grown more matured but the madness prevailed. We talked laughed and quarreled. Time lapsed back

.

As evening passed, Sayar was requested to spell one of his sayaris. Although at first he didn’t want to but then he spoke, “App meri zindagi me thi to meri bagon me ful hi ful the, Par jab se aap ruth gaye mano bahar hi humse ruth gaaye, Gairo ne to chor hi diya tha; Aapne v saath chor gaaye…Kante to zindegi me kam nahi thee Ki aab Rab v hamare duwayon se ruth gaaye, Janemaan jabse aap hamse chuth gaaye- When you were in my life there were beautiful flowers in my garden, But from the day you got angry over me even the flowers are angry over me. The unknown people had left me long ago and even my near & dear ones had left me. There were no fewer thrones in my life that even The Almighty has stopped hearing my prayers, my beloved from the day I had lost you”.

It was then we realized “Sayar & Divyakshi had a break-up”. The situation turned tensed and sensitive.

Suddenly, Sayar got up to leave.

 Divyakshi got up too & holding Sayar’s hand said, “Wait, have loads to talk about”. 

Sayar hesitated,” No, I am getting late, must leave”. 

Divyakshi replied smiling, “This must have been my line”. 

Through the severe pain of emotions a smile escaped from Sayar’s lips. 

He didn’t turn back and said, “Some other time dear, not today this isn’t the right time and situation. You look beautiful wearing my favorite color blue & my life is still in Blues”. 

Sayar left and Divyakshi stood watching him leave. Tears escaped her big beautiful eyes as if they had been waiting to fall.

Sandy helped her to take a sit & I forwarded a glass of water which she finished almost in between the tears & gasp of deep breathes. After a long pause we started talking again.

Her eyes now turned to the best mirror to show how deeply scared she was as if something had ripped off from her life. 

She spoke, “I never wanted to leave him .He was the one who had taught me what love was. Yes, Jazz you were right at first it was just a time pass sort of thing but then as time passed by I just couldn’t think my life without him”. 

She heaved a deep breath and continued, “But then everyone has got a breaking point. He tried the best to keep our relationship alive. It was I who back stepped. Yes, yes I who stepped back”.Divyakshi was fueling with emotion. It seemed to me she was angry with herself. But we kept quiet and.

“I was selfish. Yes, I am selfish because I cannot dare to go against my family. My family who too means a lot to me even though it’s not perfect likes others. Yes, I am selfish because still today I miss him in every moment of my life. Yes, even today I want to feel the same with the partner whom I had chosen .Yes I am not afraid to say that I shall miss him all through-out my life.” Her anguish gushed out.

She cried aloud. She wept hard as if she wanted to repent for everything. Without thinking of the crowd she shred herself free from the shackles of gustiness. We watched her silently.   

For the first time in these years of our friendship she had broken down. Tears rolled from her eyes and she re-spoke, “But then I had to choose between the two- my family & my love.”

She quivered with emotions, “I, I, I am not so bold to choose love. It, it, it was still in starting phase. God knows if I had taken the right decision”.

“Throughout my life I have seen my mom & dad fight like animals who had also done love marriage. My childhood has gone through nightmares. I, I, I used to sleep with cotton plugged in my ears so that I cannot hear them quarrel.” She stammered.

 “If love marriage means to fight everyday like my mom & dad then I don’t want that love. If love means insecurity everyday then I don’t want love. I face the brutality of love marriage everyday & I just don’t want that to re-happen in my life. I need security. Yes, if money is the security then I need that security.” She choked. 

I passed a glass of water to her. With shivering hands Divyakshi somehow took a sip from the glass and respoke, “But, but I cannot leave without Sayar. Yes, Yes I am selfish damn selfish. Hope someday you all forgive me for what I have done with you dear friend Sayar. I pray he gets the best girl in the world who shall heal all scars I had given to him and he forgets me for good for always.” Speaking her last words she left the restra hastily without waiting for us. ”. It was then we understood the depression which our friends had passed through.

 

Photo Courtesy: Edvard Munch Gallery

Our re-union had taken place almost two years back and today is 8^th of December 2015. Today is Divyakshi’s marriage. Sandy & I have arrived with Sayar to witness the beautiful event. She is dressed ready to be someone’s bride but not Sayar’s. As promised to Sayar by me I brought Divyakshi.

Without saying a word Sayar embraced Divyakshi tight, kissed her softly on her forehead & whispered in her ears, “You look gorgeous, really gorgeous. Have a beautiful life ahead. Shall miss you, always and forever.” 

Divyakshi hugged him back and said, “Don’t worry we shall meet again”. 

Sayar didn’t answer but whispered, “Come with me. There is still time.” 

Divyakshi hugged him more tightly and sighed; “Not now it isn’t possible.”

Somewhere within my heart I wished, “Go girl go, just disappear with him.”  

Sayar heaved hard. Leaving Sayar’s embrace and adjusting her bindi with a fake smile Divyakshi said, “Do come to my new home”. 

We started to leave & Sayar turned back to have a last look of his Divya. Sandy & I left them alone. 

When he finally arrived to join us he said, “The last look of her is damn driving me crazy mann. Her silence has always killed me. I could never get through the tough block of ice behind which she always hid her emotions. Hope she took the right decision.” 

We trio, I Sandy & Sayar strove down to a long drive and after a long pause Sayar spoke, “ It’s not love anymore. No, no, no, I don’t want her in my life anymore but still I cannot see her with someone else.”

“You know she accepted the proposal of this guy with whom she is getting married the very next day we both broke our relationship. If she didn’t love me then why did she play with me for four long years?” This time too I and Sandy were the listeners. 

Sayar swallowed a lump of emotions and re-spoke, “But then can one be into a relationship for four long years without being in love. Is it possible to carry forward an act for such long? Yes, I agree I made mistakes but then I, I tried hard to maintain the relationship. I was ready for sacrificing everything but then why did she step back. I do understand her limitations and her duty towards her family but how will she live in the drama she has got entangled into? God save her”, he prayed. 

 After a moment he smiled and said, “For he has saved me from her”. Sayar laughed hard but we knew it was just to cover his pain.

Within my mind some lines of Rabindranath Tagore started murmuring, “ Shokhi vabona kahare bole, Shokhi jatona kahare bole, tomra je bolo diboso rojoni valobasa valobasa, Sokhi valobasha kare koi , se ki keboli jatona moi,Se ki keboli chokher jol, Se ki keboli dukher aash, Loke tobe kore ki sukheri tore aamono dukhero aash-Oh my dear friend what is tension? Dear friend what is pain, you all sing all day & night about love and love, Oh my dear friend what is love. Is it so painful? Is it only tearful eyes? Is it only pain? Then why do people being in so much comfort want to get the taste of that pain”

 

And we trio drove along in silence for long. We stood by the road side of the national highway to Khanapara. It was around 12:30 a.m. Sayar brought three cups of tea for us and we tossed, “For a happy married life to Divyakshi”. Sandy added, “And Sayar get the girl with most beautiful heart as his life partner”.

Sayar whispered with damn gravity, “Pyala adha bhara hai ya adha khali, Pyala adha bhara hai ya adha khali, Yeh to dekhne wale ke upar me hai. Bus itna hi baan paya yaroo aage ki line banne waali hai”. Saying so he laughed & we both joined the group trying to help him soothe his pain a bit.  

How much I wished that day the “Cutest Couple” gets hooked back together. Who was responsible for this Divyakshi or Sayar? Who had betrayed the emotions of the other? Were they not bold enough to break-off the social barrier, the communalism or was it mere luck oriented?  Why everything wasn’t picture perfect just like a movie? Why was I so helpless for not being able to support both of them soothing their pains? Why? Who was to be blamed? Why even being detached each wanted the good of the other? What is the name of this relation?

Sayar as if had listened the conversation of me with my soul whispered in my ears, “It’s Undefined, dear. I can never hate her neither can she ever forget me”.   

Sayar continued, “I have realized that nothing can be picture perfect. Because, hopefully the greatest director of our lives has thought what should be the perfect in ones life’s cinema & still thennn”. We hummed together, “We have long long way to go before we say goodbye”.